Oh, Knickers!
by Verus Lumen
Summary: Hermione is forced into a dare. She breaks into Snape's office and manages to lose her knickers somewhere in the process.


"What are you doing here?" Hermione asked in frustration.

"Who are you? How dare you come into my office without my permission!" Severus exploded.

"No, I'm sorry. I thought – I was just looking for-"

"Out! OUT! One hundred points from Gryffindor. If I ever catch you in here again, it will be a thousand!" He exploded, veins popping at his neck. He had recognized her.

Hermione, knowing better than to say anything else, scampered immediately out of the room.

"Of all the insufferable, annoying, vile little…" He began muttering under his breath, before he realized that one of the papers on his desk was slightly askew. He nearly had an aneurysm.

"Miss Granger! You will return at once!" He bellowed from across the hallway. She was still trying to make her way up the dungeon stairs and had almost gotten away.

"Yes, Sir!" she squeaked and turned around, running even faster now.

By the time she returned to his office, she was huffing and puffing from lack of breath.

"What is the meaning of this?" he asked imperiously, pointing at his pile of barely moved papers.

"Oh…I'm so sorry, Professor. I was wrong!" She wept with her head in her hands. Her hair covered her face and her tears were falling down the sides of her cheeks.

"I will not repeat myself," he said, pointing still at the pile of papers.

"Yes, Sir… Of course, Sir. I…you see, well, I was working on that Properties of Asphodel essay you assigned for the past two weeks. I had all my notes ready and…and I prepared everything before putting my quill to parchment. Only, I forgot a small…teensy detail. I just came in here to….to…" Again she cried into her hands, unable to finish her sentence. So ashamed was she, to have been caught cheating, that she was crumpled on the floor and sobbing wildly.

He picked up the offending essay and held it in front of her face, so that when she was done crying, she would see it. Cautiously, she brought her eyes up to see the effects of her work. Deliberately slowly, he tore the entire parchment in half.

Her eyes welled up yet again, but before she had the opportunity to cry, he rudely booted her from his office.

"And before I forget, you have detention for 12 weeks!" he bellowed.

Hermione scampered back to her dormitory, blessedly without running into any more obstacles. She passed the boys on her way up to the girl's rooms and threw herself into bed.

Only in the moment before she fell asleep did she realize…

"Oh shit, my knickers."

So, to clear things up, perhaps you should know of the events that preceded Hermione's precarious situation.

At noon, the 7th year Gryffindor girls skipped lunch and met up at their monthly rendezvous in the Gryffindor tower. The Fat Lady was long accustomed to their rituals and made sure not to let anybody into the tower during this period of time.

The topic of today's discussion was regarding Hermione's lack of gumption as of late. Now this was quite surprising as Hermione is a Gryffindor through and through, of which we are all aware. The problem is, she is only capable of showing her bravery when she is in dire straits. Otherwise, she is quite an unremarkable, if brilliant, girl.

So they resorted to the only methods of which they were aware. The girls firmly dared Hermione to break into Professor Vector's…no, Professor McGonnagal's…no, wait! Professor Snape's office and bring solid proof of her cunning.

So Hermione, never one to back down from a dare, and especially in the circumstance of being ordered by her sisterhood, waited until after hours to sneak down to the dungeons.

She broke into the office. Somehow, by some miracle, the door was unlocked and unwarded. She had come down with the assumption that she wouldn't be able to get in. She did not realize, however, that it was only unlocked and unwarded because Professor Snape had only gone out for the minute to use the lav.

This still does not explain why she left her knickers on the floor under the professor's desk. Well her plan for bringing something recognizably belonging to Professor Snape, and thus obviously proving her gumption, was temporarily hindered by the fact that the only item she could safely remove from the room seemed to be cursed. Everything else was either bolted down or much too precious to take with her for a simple dare. While she was a 'carefree student', he _was _still her professor, and she could never think of taking something that might actually hinder him in his profession.

She had forgotten to wear a cloak – she had only her blouse, skirt and shoes. She hadn't even thought to wear any socks. So, just to take care of the whole business as quickly as possible, she slipped off her knickers and used them to pick up the little statuette on the bookshelf behind the professor's desk. This way, she'd be safe from whatever offending curse, which she could feel even through the fabric of her knickers, was emanating from the statuette.

Unfortunately, Professor Snape had returned much sooner than she'd anticipated. She was coming out from under his desk, after having wrapped the thing in her knickers, which she was holding in her hands, when she spotted him. She saw him for a split second before he saw her, and she immediately dropped the whole bundle – right there, under his desk.

She emerged, blushing furiously. The bundle, however, was promptly forgotten as she was caught inventing an excuse as to why she was in his office in the dead of night. Simply, she dropped her knickers in Professor Snape's office.

"Fuuuuuck" She rolled around on her bed in agony. She couldn't just go back and ask for her knickers, could she?

Although, there was a chance that he wouldn't notice tonight, and she could slip downstairs in the morning and break in yet again to steal her underwear back.

Yes, she decided, she would do exactly that.

So she fell asleep there, clutching her bedcover and sincerely wishing that she had her knickers on.

The next morning, she woke up even before the sun rose. Surely, Professor Snape would still be sleeping and she would be able to grab her knickers before he noticed. If he went to his office today, there's no way he could miss the knickers down there.

So she ran down, without even pausing to talk to her sisterhood, who were waiting for her in the corner of the Common Room. She bolted out from the portrait and ran the whole way down the stairs, where she was unexpectedly caught in the stairs. There was one of those invisible sinkholes. Damn all!

She was stuck for a good fifteen minutes, and she could feel precious time ticking away. Professor Snape might wake up soon, and he might go to his office, and he might check under his desk, where he would most probably find a pink and green set of knickers wrapped around his personal belongings.

Finally, she became unstuck, and tumbled off the staircase. This is when she noticed that she had yet to replace her lost pair of knickers. Luckily, nobody was around to notice that she was indecent. Again she stood up and dashed the rest of the way to Professor Snape's office door. As she arrived, she realized that this time, the door was indeed locked and warded.

Damn all!

She threw herself at the door in frustration. There was nothing to be done for it. She would not be able to get in, and Professor Snape, the overgrown, great big black bat of the dungeons would see her knickers.

What was that? She heard a noise.

She sprinted toward the nearest suit of armor and hid behind it. She breathed cautiously, knowing that her shortness of breath would be obvious if she let herself have enough air.

What was this? It wasn't Professor Snape who was approaching the office door. There was a shirtless man in only Pajamas coming to the door. Nevertheless, he opened the door without even using a password or unlocking the door. Well, in that case, it must have been Professor Snape!

Suddenly, she felt herself gasp for breath right before she lost her grip. Her eyes closed despite her fighting, and there, she collapsed onto the ground. She hadn't been getting enough air, after all. Her action, unfortunately, rattled the entire suit of armor and caused quite a ruckus.

She regained consciousness after a mere two or three seconds, as she was breathing normally now. In that time, however, Professor Snape had not only noticed her, but come over to her. He was leaning down with two fingers on her neck as she opened her eyes. At this, she emitted a small gasp.

"What are you doing down here? Again!" he demanded. He was still…shirtless. He looked quite...shirtless.

She opened her mouth to speak, but instead of words, she let loose a shriek of indignity and she realized her skirt had folded up during her fall. Her private bits were clearly available for examination, if Professor Snape had any care to look. She pushed her hands to the front of her skirt and covered herself. She noted with relief that it looked as if he hadn't noticed.

He did flinch, though, when she screamed. She yielded that it was probably a bad idea right next to his ear and all, but what was he doing quite so close to her face? His fingers had come off her neck, but she still felt the residual pressure.

She sat up as soon as she could, which was probably a bad idea, considering that she bumped into his torso on her way up. He was, after all, still leaning over her, and still quite remarkably shirtless.

Immediately, he stood up without extending a hand to her.

"Am I to understand that you actually _wish _to lose a thousand points from Gryffindor House? I would be more than glad to do it!" He snarled at her. "What were you doing loitering around these hallways at this hour?"

"I'm sorry, Professor…" She swallowed before continuing, "I think I left something in your room before I left yesterday. Would you mind if I retrieved it?"

"You _must_ be joking. What could possibly lead you to believe that I would allow such a thing? Whatever you have left is lost. I plan to Vanish it as soon as I see it. Another hundred points from Gryffindor and 12 more weeks of detention, you foolish girl! Now, leave!" He demanded.

She paled, and then blushed furiously. "I'm sorry, Professor. I can't allow that," she whispered, getting to her feet.

He was in his nightclothes, and quite obviously did not have his wand, so she felt a little braver about blindsiding him and rushing past him into his office. She even got to his desk before he had time to say anything.

"What-What-What!" he repeated, over and over, in a confused stupor.

She ducked under the desk, as he was almost to her now, and grabbed her underwear. She had meant to slip it on as soon as possible, but she realized the cursed statuette was still hiding within. It clattered onto the floor and she, without thinking, picked it up with her other hand.

She felt as if she'd been electrocuted. Instead of dropping the statuette and her knickers, she gripped them even tighter.

Quite soon, she noticed that the feeling of electrocution had stopped. She opened her eyes to discover that Professor Snape was still in the room, and still quite without a shirt. He was peering over her with an expression of extreme contempt.

"Miss Granger. I do not know what you want from me, but your repeated break-ins to my office after hours…your repeated…._baffling_ exposure of your private parts, and your holding your undergarments on display…these all suggest something completely inappropriate. What are you on about?" He snarled, eyeing her distastefully.

She looked down and realized that yes, she was indeed flashing her private parts at him, and yes, her right hand was clutching her underwear. She looked positively wanton.

"I….I….I'm sorry!" She wailed, crying earnestly. She'd never found herself in a more embarrassing situation.

"I am not interested in your advances and I suggest that you immediately stop them. I would take a thousand points from Gryffindor but I don't believe that there are even that many to be taken. You have detention for the rest of the year, and I am never to see your private parts again. Am I quite understood?"

"Y-yes, Sir," she whispered timidly.

"Now get the hell out of my office." He spat.

She moved to stand up to acquiesce to his demand, but she was still suffering from the effects of his cursed statuette. Her hands shook as she stood and she dropped her knickers on the stone floor by accident.

"Damnation! Girl! Take your blasted underwear with you!" He screamed, going practically puce in the face. He threw his entire stack of parchments from last night at her, showering her with papers and giving her quite a few paper cuts.

She ran out the office and the door slammed behind her. Behind it, she could ear Professor Snape roar in frustration as she sprinted away.


End file.
